(Warning: I took pictures)
And of course this wasn't during normal office hours, so off to the ER we went. I would be lying if I didn't say the thought of not putting it back in crossed my mind. What if we just left it out for a few days to see if it would help his appetite? (something people ask me about doing rather frequently) But I knew that would mean another surgery to replace it. So even if we had to put a smaller one in, it was better than surgery.
They started four sizes smaller and slowly worked up. He was a trooper. They would put one in and pull on it from all sides to try to stretch the hole. Then they would do the same with the next size up until finally....
It was back in.
The nurse asked how he could have slept through pulling the balloon out. The balloon is at least seven times the size of the hole. It should be painful; awakening pain. But it's not to him....anymore. It was the first ten times he pulled it out, but now that it has been in for almost two years, it's all scar tissue. The scar tissue has numbed the nerve endings. He doesn't even know it when what he needs to survive is gone.
Is my heart like this? Have I become numb to the presence of Jesus mightily at work in my life? Oh, I pray not. Do I feel it when I pull away from what I have to have to live? For isn't it better to feel pain than nothing at all? Desiring for this heart, no matter how much scar tissue, to never stop feeling my desperate need for Jesus. I need his life giving presence to fill my heart, my home, my life.
You make known the me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.-Ps 16:11
For this is where joy is found; indescribable, sustaining joy!
Journeying On,
