It's Not Fair

We visit the hematology/oncology office about every 3 months now for a blood check on Ethan.  It's been a pretty long time since I've expected or been worried about what numbers we would get back. But the last couple times I've found myself wrestling with the idea that it's not really fair that we get to come in for a quick test every few months, while the patients in the room next door and across the hall have been there are all morning taking their third and tenth round of chemo.  It doesn't seem fair.  Statistically, we have a 100% chance of leukemia without a bone marrow transplant.  And so I have the very unnatural thought...it's not fair, my son should have cancer.

 Don't hear me wrong.  I do not wish cancer on my sweet boy, I don't wish it on anyone-like ever.  I just wrestle with this incredible gift of healing we've been given.  We don't deserve it.  We did nothing to earn it. It is absolutely only a gift.

And yet with this gift, I feel a weighted responsibility not to waste it.  To make sure I keep realizing it as a gift and to be continually overwhelmed with gratitude for it.  So if you get tired of seeing pictures where my oldest son is holding up a band-aided finger or a copy of his latest lab results, you might just want to unfriend me:)  Because I won't stop giving thanks for this gift, even if it's becoming normal and unexpected to have good numbers, I desperately want to be faithful in gratitude to Jesus.

Today I looked across the hall at a precious, but very sick, 8 month old and then I looked at my healthy boy, whose greatest concern was beating me at Sorry, and I realized I will never understand the sovereignty of God.  But I could never have peace without trust in His sovereignty.

I don't know why we have this gift of healing.  But I want to be faithful with it and I want to pray this gift is given to others-so many others.

Journeying on with much gratitude,
Sara

When I Thought Summer Would be a Leap of Faith

If I were writing this last winter/early spring it would say something like....

So after a lifetime at the same church, the Lord is calling my husband and another pastor from our church to take a huge leap of faith by entering into the realm of church planting.  And we I have no idea what this means or where to start!  We're anticipating a year of unknowns and walking through so many doors on faith alone.

But since I'm writing this in August, just a few days after our first church service at the new plant it's going to read something like this...

I thought the summer would be hard.  I thought we would face more resistance and turmoil.  I thought all the unknowns would be stressful and I assumed I would be handing my pastor husband over to work hundreds of hours a week.  I thought by the time we finally had a date on the calendar and a location we would be too exhausted to enjoy it.  But that's not what my summer has been like at all.

While there have been some small issues of stress and some evidence of spiritual attacks, the summer has really been full of joy.  Joy that has come from watching the Lord faithfully and peacefully lay each stone in just the right spot as we walk forward.

So instead of it feeling like a giant leap of faith to leave the only church we've ever known and be sent out to plant a new one, it has felt like a gentle walk.  Simply stepping on the brick that is just in front of us.  And I'm just so so thankful!

Journeying On,
Sara

PS.  Check out Immanuel Church

Perfect Personalities

The stars aligned for a few brief seconds on a Sunday morning before church and all of my little people let me take their picture....together!  Now it ended with a few tears and I won't post the 43 pictures that weren't even close to postable (is that a word?), but there were a few keepers in there...

I really think I love this picture because it so perfectly displays their every growing personalities.  There's the goofy one with the tender smile, and the laughing-carefree one full of joy.  There's one older and sometimes wiser than she know and the totally chill one with his compliant ways.  They're all so very different.  But all needing Jesus....they're all needing to see Jesus lived out in their momma's life.  Even with all their differences, they're all benefited when they see Jesus is important to momma.  So challenging, so essential.

2015: Thankful

It seems rediculous to attempt recapping God's goodness over an entire year, but I feel like I must give it my best efforts as we experienced SO much of God's goodness.  So here it goes....

January

This sweet little baby went mobile

We had lots of sickness...which meant lots of down time and plenty of snuggles

Amazingly blessed by a home way nicer than we deserve 

but super thankful for the extra space!! 

February

Days ( it seemed like it would never end) 

full of snow play

March 

       The biggest joy to my heart; seeing 

        little hearts desiring spiritual things

                                   And little friendships growing

April

    

    Seeing this guy turn 4!

                                           And this sweet baby turned 1!

That this goofy boy won't stand still long

enough for posed picture.  

          Watching tenderness growing between these two

May

Getting to explore creation with some of our favorite cousins

Watching these two play on the same team. I'm going to go ahead and predict this one won't happen again.  One is really in to it, the other one not so much:)

Holding sleeping babies-enough said!

Impromptu rain play

A chance to celebrate and say goodbye to this 

precious girl that will always be in our hearts

June

Thankful for family days

Capturing selfies, 

because let's face it-mom is never in the pictures:)

 For kiddos proud to be running like their daddy

July

We had gone almost 11 months without using a feeding tube, 

but we weren't getting the growth needed without.  

Although it was very discouraging to go back to it, 

we are so very thankful that we've seen growth for this kiddo.

Precious time with our great grandma (Bow)

Nature play with cousins

And precious seconds when all are still and content to just be

August

Lots of lazy lake days

And crazy things like KINDERGARTEN

 Adventuring with my little people

September

Adoption DAY!!

Checking up on this girl's heart valves-which are in good shape!

 

October

Family camping trips

Celebrating 10 years of marriage to this incredible God fearing husband of mine 

I miraculous bone marrow biopsy where they were unable to find 

any cells in the sample taken that contained Monosomy 7. 

A new dew

November

Family togetherness

 Slow mornings of Jesus, pancakes and coffee.













Sibling giggles-they're just the best!

December
For our little Tennessee fan and Hello Kitty fan that turned 6!

For a warm Christmas morning to get to play...in the rain:)

For beach road trips and so much ocean play

For the chance to celebrate a grandmother that loves others so very well.

2015, as you can see was a year of serious blessings.  We have so much to thankful for!!  And I don't want to forget all the Lord has done and is doing.  I haven't even scratched the surface.  But I want to, I want to keep documenting the moments, big and small when my eyes are opened by the Lord to see how His hand at work.