Silly Logic

Why does learning trust always take me so long?

This is a question I'm asking after almost a year of standing at a small distance from God.  I wouldn't say its been in rebellion, just a lack of trust.  For sometime I couldn't put my finger on what was holding back my heart.  Why wasn't I able to fully enjoy my love relationship with Jesus?  And when I put my finger on it, I wasn't sure if should be embarrassed or hold on to my logic.

You see, last summer before Ethan was diagnosed with a pre-leukemia bone marrow disease, Jesus and I were doing great.  We were spending time together, I was learning him, he was teaching me and it was beautiful; a love relationship, full of trust.  But after two and a half weeks in the hospital with a sick little boy, every relationship in my life was tired.

So where's the silly part?  Well, it came several months later when I realized I was being hesitant to fully love (trust) Jesus again because of a lingering question in my heart and mind. What if Jesus asked me to go back to the hospital again?  What if Jesus' plan was for Ethan to need a bone marrow transplant? And my logic was that if I couldn't hear Jesus, if I wasn't talking with him, then he couldn't ask.

I have no doubt I'm not the first person to partake in this silly logic, but it's time to call it what it is-a lie.  It is a lie from Satan to keep me from trusting and loving my Savior.  Trust is one of the greatest expressions of love, it's really a synonym.  Trust is love and love is trust.

All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God.  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love.-I John 4:15-16a

Join me in remembering and trusting today. Remembering God's love towards me and trusting God for his goodness. Trusting, because it is the only response possible when the magnitude of God's love resonates in our hearts. When I love, I will trust.

Journeying On,